Impact Statement, part II

James, you said you would pay me back for your moving expenses that I put on my credit card and your half of the blinds for the house you and I own together, but no such payment happened. The day you were released on bail, you began sabotaging me financially. You cancelled my car insurance and tried to cancel the home insurance (the mortgage company refused to let you, thank god). You called the cable company and more than doubled the bill by adding on all the conveniences and services possible.

Without my knowledge or consent, you gave away many of my possession in the process of the move, that I now need to replace.

I have incurred legal fees to attempt to get the home we own together for sale and get you to pay the mortgage that you have refused to assist in paying since you were arrested. In all, I have accrued costs of over $8,722.03 plus interest on my credit cards, and if I lose my home in foreclosure due to not assisting in paying the mortgage, the costs will be over $48,722.03.

I have already taken a hit on my credit report; because 3 late payments on the mortgage have been reported to the credit bureaus.  I had to borrow $1,000 to cover November’s and December’s mortgage payments.

I started in counseling sessions immediately after the strangulation and thought they would be enough, but the trauma has been so significant, I have recently returned and am currently in therapy to deal with the continued trauma. I attended the victim awareness classes the prosecutor’s office offers and became aware of the emotional abuse you inflicted on me through your false accusations of infidelity as well as accusing me of being a bad mother to your daughter. I’m not a bad mother to your daughter; how can I be—I’m not her mother at all, she has a mother who protects her, loves her, cares for her.   You accusations were only meant to make me doubt myself, to hurt me, to question my capabilities.

I have missed over 5 days of work due to the trauma. I cry at work, I have to have someone else cover for me at work so I can compose myself and return to work. My family has had to listen to me cry myself to sleep at night, they have had to listen to my anger, my fear, my pain.

My friends have been very supportive, but they have also had to listen to my endless tears, my fears, my concerns for the future as I worry about being homeless if I lose the house. Where are me and my daughter going to go? Where will be stay? My friends have felt hopeless as they have no answers.

Your addictions have been your friends your entire adult life. You have been addicted to alcohol, to pot, to road rage, to drama. Do you know how to live without addictions? Can you?

I believed you when you said you loved me. I believed you when you said you wanted to marry me. I believed you when you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. I believed you when you said you wanted to buy a home with me, wanted to never move again, wanted to be happy with me. I believed you. I believed you when you strangled me…I believed you wanted to kill me.

*Names changed